An unexpected moment of clarity came during one of the hardest years of my life. And in that moment, I understood things I had never understood before, and I knew that I had to write a love song to God.
In that year alone, I had battled a rough patch of depression, come face-to-face with my deepest fears, and discovered issues that I needed counseling for. And yet, somehow, that year had also been one of the best. In the midst of deep darkness and personal brokenness, new friendships began, firm friendships carried me through, the ministry of my dreams started, and the love of Christ proved steadfast. Endless grace was continually poured over me, and death-shattering love continually rescued me.
Many times, it felt like I was desperately alone in the middle of a desert. And yet, it was in the wilderness that I discovered the full gravity of love from the one who promised never to abandon me. My Lord showed himself to be My Love. Hosea 2:14, 16 "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her…And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband', and no longer will you call me 'My Master.'"
A few months later, I had the chance to share it at an art show we hosted, reaching out to the community before I got to move to New York City. Writing this song helped me make sense of senselessness and speak hopeful truth into existence. I was finally able to give shape, images, and sounds to experiences too overwhelming to fully comprehend. Performing it allowed me to invite others into this place of vulnerability and honesty, confusion and understanding. It is a deeply personal narrative, and an intimate offering to my God. I was blessed by both the process and the performance.
”Wilderness Song”
My throat is dry
Heat burns my eyes
I cannot breathe
The darkness teems
Is this a dream?
Have you left me?
Lost and unfound in a desert sea
Abandoned now
By every soul
I've ever known
I'm hot and cold
Forsaken bones
No one will know
I'll die in the desert all alone
But then I realize your hands have held me fast
You are the only one who broke my broken past
At last, at last, it's you
At last, at last, it's you
Oh, in the wilderness there's peace
Oh, in the wilderness you speak
Teach me and show me how to trust you now my love
Mend up my tattered pieces, you're all I've dreamed of
Oh my love, my love, it's me and you
Oh my love, my love, it's me and you
Water and life
You dry my eyes
You help me breathe
You heard my screams
Is this a dream?
You came to me
Was lost, but found in a desert sea
Salvation now
My only hope
Has made me known
He heard me groans
He healed me bones
A love so bold
How can it be that you love me so?
For now I realize your hands have held me fast
You are the only one who broke my broken past
At last, at last, it's you
At last, at last, it's you
Oh, in the wilderness there's peace
Oh, in the wilderness you speak
Teach me and show me how to trust you now my love
Mend up my tattered pieces, you're all I've dreamed of
Oh my love, my love, it's me and you
Oh my love, my love, it's me and you
