What does it mean to have faith?

Earlier this month, Amy shared an honest blog post about some of the doubts, fears, and hopes surrounding fame for artists: What if I never become famous?

It’s a strange question to non-artists, but a real one for people who want to pursue art full-time. Anyone who wants to be an actor or a painter was probably inspired by a famous actor or painter. Anyone who thinks they’re content without fame is immediately stretched between art-level paychecks and real financial need, juggling a second job. Throw in that artists–whether actors or writers or designers–create for an audience, and fame becomes a far more complicated and valid layer to measuring artistic success than it might seem at first glance.

I see in the church two extreme reactions to this longing: dismissing it as self-glorifying, or cheerleading it as true faith.

Is it really just about self-glorification to hope your art has a big impact and to want to make money at the thing you love to do?

Is it really a measure of faith to “name and claim” a happy, successful, healthy, wealthy life for yourself?

A couple months ago, one of our Alliance Artists hosted a night of learning about spiritual gifts, which included taking a test to help our artists discover what spiritual gifts they may have. I was ill and unable to attend, so I took the test at home. When I shared that “faith” was one of the highest-scoring results, Amy expressed a lot of surprise; I tend to be the “tether friend” to my balloon dreamers, keeping them grounded and realistic.

In particular, Amy and other close friends have explicitly said that they don’t think I have the gift of faith (and they do) because they tend to pray for more specific requests than I do. I don’t have a “dream house” that I am praying for; I don’t have a husband wish-list that I pray over; I don’t assume our ministry will reach full funding or my endometriosis will miraculously vanish or my books will become bestsellers some time in the future.

My friends who love me urge me: “Pray in faith, Danielle! God wants to give you good things!” And I feel loved, and I try a little harder, but I honestly don’t feel like those are the things I strongly desire to pray for. Instead, in prayer, I frequently feel like that annoying laid-back friend who can’t pick a restaurant. I’m looking at my life, and I’m like, “Eh, wherever you want is good, these all sound fine to me.” And it’s really not a matter of lack of empowerment (I share my opinions freely and frequently lol) but it’s honestly chill with me either way.

I can absolutely see why such a person getting “faith” on a spiritual gifts test would be surprising. Yet there it was: faith. A perfect score, actually.

So… what is true faith?

I am going to break it down through a passage I spent time studying/hand-copying recently: 2 Kings 2:1-18. This is a pretty crazy passage, and a bit too long to copy/paste here, so I’m going to just give you a quick summary:

Elijah is this incredible prophet who’s lived a long, wild life full of super intense miracles, including fire coming down from heaven to kill tons of his enemies. So he has been mentoring this other prophet, Elisha, and they go out one day on a journey together and Elijah knows he’s about to go to heaven, so he asks Elisha to hang back several times, but Elisha’s like, “Nah I’m sticking with you.” So finally, Elijah’s like, “Alright, you’ve earned a special blessing; what do you want me to ask God for on your behalf?”

Elisha says, “I want a double-portion of your spirit.”

Elijah responds, “Wow, that’s going to be hard. If you can keep watching even while I go to heaven, then it’ll be granted, and if not, it won’t.” Then a chariot of fire comes down from heaven and Elijah goes up in a tornado, and Elisha keeps watching. It’s a super intense experience and probably an emotional goodbye, so he tears his clothes. Then he performs one of the miracles Elijah had done before him and people see him from afar and they’re like, “Woah, he has the spirit of Elijah now!”

Is Elisha merely seeking his own glory, by asking for a huge spiritual gift that would be displayed to others?

Don’t let me lose you! This passage isn’t about fame or art-making directly, but the prophets are sort of performance artists who seek to elicit responses from their “audiences” to help them understand. Furthermore, it’s contextualized in an honor-shame culture, and people’s reactions are highlighted throughout the passage. We live in such an individualistic society that it can be hard to understand, but in the original context, I think this question is relevant.

I think this passage demonstrates true faith as containing these essential elements:

1) Tenacious pursuit. Elisha continues to do the work, following Elijah, pursuing him, serving him from city to city, continuously confronting his own emotions about losing his mentor and refusing to back away. Elisha isn’t someone who “boldly asked” God without any of his own follow-through; he dedicated his life to this hope, studied, and sacrificed. Faith is active belief, not just nebulous feeling.

2) Uncertain result. Elijah himself doesn’t know if Elisha’s request will be able to be granted or not; they don’t know how hard the thing is that he’s asking for, or if that’s really God’s will for Elisha’s life. In fact, Elisha perseveres without some specific promise of blessing at all; it’s not as though he knows that Elijah will offer him a blessing in his final moments.

3) Love and hope. Elisha’s love for his mentor is evident throughout the passage as the main reason that he stays with him, even though it’s hard for him. There’s an old Death Cab for Cutie song that says, “Love is watching someone die.” I think Elisha loves Elijah enough to keep facing his own fears and not turn his face away, even when a literal chariot of fire and tornado come onto the scene. He is facing his fears in love, and trusting in some impossible spiritual hope that might be more powerful than the loss.

I do aim to grow in believing for real, specific miracles and real, specific desires! I think the Bible also encourages us in that. But such prayers fade, for me, over and over again, into crying out for a greater outpouring of the Spirit in my life and heart, that I might not turn my face away, that I might have courage to remain when love is painful and the way is challenging. I pray that I might see God more clearly and reflect Him so obviously that even from a distance, people would know.

So, is it “lacking in faith” to be okay with not being famous? I don’t think so!

Is it faithful to pray for God to allow you to have influence? I think it can be!

But faith runs deeper than the wish-list in your heart; trace your desires beyond the immediate. Otherwise, when the immediate doesn’t go the way you think it ought to, when troubles arise and discouragement creeps in, you will burn out. Figure out what love and hope you are willing to fight for, and ask God to help you to have the courage to never turn your face away.

I’ve been learning that my gift of faith is visible in those three characteristics of 2 Kings 2–doing my own tenacious pursuing work, remaining in the discomfort of uncertainty, and staying rooted in love and hope as my motivation. So I push myself as a writer, hit “submit” with no guarantees an agent will even read my work, and pray that even one or two people might be blessed by what I’ve written. And if that’s all that ever comes of it, that’s enough for me. It’s carried me through 9 challenging years in NYC with joy!

Do you have an unshakable faith that will fuel you for years to come, through unexpected hardships? Do you find yourself living in active trust, or passive hope? I pray you might be activated to pray big, bold prayers for the things that never disappoint.

Continue reading here: What is the point of art-making, then?