In Try Softer, a book on faith and trauma therapy, Aundi Kolber offers “beauty hunting” as a resource for emotional regulation; as we learn to hunt for beauty, we learn to pay attention. And as we learn to pay attention, we can learn to pay compassionate attention to our emotions. This is because mindfulness teaches us the skills of nonjudgmental observation.
I was fascinated by these ideas and wanted to explore them further. So, a few days ago, when some unexpected sadness surfaced, I decided to take a beauty-hunting walk.
One of the first things that caught my eye was an unusual tree; it was the kind of thing I would normally take note of with an “ooh” and then move on from. But this time, I forced myself to stop, walk up to the tree, and stare.
Why was it so unusual? I started to ask myself questions and observe. I stared at its leaves: they were pale brown. I don’t think I’d ever seen pale brown leaves before. Of course, I’d seen your standard autumn brown, but this was pale—almost frosty. And I thought it was funny, because it almost seemed like the leaves were stuck between autumn and winter and didn’t know what to do with themselves.
As I continued to walk, I kept looking for more beautiful things: apartments that looked like Dutch cottages, carved Spartan heads on the side of a building, and glassy octagon windows.
And I began to understand what Kolber meant. Because when you’re beauty-hunting, your first questions tend to be quite neutral: what’s that? What shape is it? What is it made out of? Eventually, I’d formulate opinions like “that’s funny” or “that’s pretty”. But beauty-hunting began first with nonjudgmental observation.
And I realized that if I could tune into my body and my emotions like that, I really would be much kinder to myself. What am I feeling? How big is the feeling? What is its texture? Where is the sensation in my body? Instead of immediately criticizing a feeling, I could observe it and show compassion towards it.
Since beauty-hunting, I’ve been trying to do just that. I’m trying to tune in to when my head hurts or my shoulders are tense. I’ve been trying to identify sensations and ask myself observational questions. What am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? How would I describe it? What caused it?
2020 has been a hard year, and 2021 holds more uncertainty. I’m sure that painful emotions have abounded for you, as they have for me. But if you find that all you can do is squash or numb difficult feelings, it might be worth it to take a step back. I encourage you to look outward and go on a beauty hunt; delight in something and mindfully take it in. And then, I encourage you to return to your own body and emotions with that same posture of—you guessed it—nonjudgmental observation.
Beauty—in all its quirky or simple or meaningful forms—has been given to us by our kind, artistic Creator as a resource of rest. I hope you take some time to tune into it, and to draw compassion from it.
