As I stepped through the snow, soaking my shoes through to shivering toes, enjoying the near-spring air, I thought I would dissolve into the breeze. The colors of the sunset, the quiet, faithful lapping of the water, the way my hair gently caressed my neck — it was all so vivid and incredible, and my shoulders didn’t feel my heavy backpack, and my hands didn’t feel the sting of winter. I love to walk and I can lose myself for miles and miles, to breathe in this dirty and beautiful city, slipping in and out of prayers big and small.
The weather had everyone in a good mood, and lots of friendly puppies put wet paw prints on my jeans. “Sorry!” the owners would laugh, but it was the kind of happy non-apology that simply meant we were sharing a moment. And I loved those moments - the eye contact and smiles, petting soft puppy fur - but I also loved the freedom to disentangle from one another, to say warmly, “Enjoy the evening!” and walk away.
I walked along factories and power plants, with high fences and barbed wire and these great laddered towers on the other side that felt like a dare. I love that I live in a city that constantly dares people to climb. It keeps your gaze craning up, up, through barbed wire, through steel towers shining in the sunlight, through the skyline to try to see individuals in the lit-up windows of Manhattan working late. Instinctively, I find myself on my tippy-toes.
Laughing at myself, I look down. The trash at my feet feels terribly personal: a McCafe cup from a caffeine-dependent neighbor, a broken flip-flop from a poor hobbling fellow female, a pair of gloves that were likely aimed for a pocket once the warm air was trusted. Lost little items.
Sometimes I feel the heartbeat of this strange place, in the steps of my frozen feet or in the honks of horns or in the pattern of old and new buildings. I feel like I’m lost in it in the best way. I want to see God breathe new life and freedom here the way he keeps breathing it into me, day after day. Yesterday, in the invigorating breeze, I felt like He was doing just that.